Sunday, January 30, 2011

Free-Range Parenting

I've been seeing this book recommended by more and more blogs I follow so I bought and read it this weekend. Loving my nook ;) I agreed with most of what was said in the book but not everything. I think I'll read the 14 commandments again before commenting here, maybe taking some notes as I go this time.

Any comments from those of you who have read it?

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Dilemma

I need some feedback! Especially from other AP/GP moms...

My church has a women's retreat coming up next month. It's for 2 nights. I'd be gone less than 48 hours. I'm so torn about what to do!

Pros:
1. I really could use some time I'm not Mommy 24/7.
2. I really could use the time of spiritual growth. I just don't have much time to focus on the Lord and study the Word at home.
3. It's less than 90 minutes away.
4. Getting Christian fellowship - opportunities to bless others and be blessed.
5. Jesse really wants me to go. He says I need and deserve it!

Cons:
1. I've never been away from Gabriel for more than a few hours (but he's not breastfed so that's not an issue).
2. The boys cosleep with me (but they'd have Jesse here instead).
3. Jesse would have to take care of both boys the whole time (but he says he has people he can call if he needs help).
4. I've only been away from Ethan twice - He stayed with Jesse when I was in the hospital with the flu (about 48 hrs), and he stayed with my best friend and her family when we were at the hospital when I had Gabriel (a few days but he saw us every day).
5. Afraid I would be worried about the boys the whole time (mainly Gabriel).

I'm leaning toward going but I'm just not sure...

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Quick Update

Jesse and I talked last night. Really talked. He had a conversation earlier in the day with someone he knows who also has a difficult child. That and prayer gave him some perspective. Our discussion went really well :) I knew it was going to be fruitful when he asked if we could start it by praying!

Monday, January 17, 2011

Difficult Few Days

It all started Friday night...

We were at Jesse's parents'. Both his sisters were there with their families. There were 3 other kids besides our two. We all stayed pretty late. We've all been staying up late at home but I think he was a bit overstimulated from being around the other kids. By the time we left, Ethan was getting fussy. He had been not listening off and on all night but when we went to leave, he threw a FIT. Jesse ended up carrying him to the car and trying to get him in the carseat, despite his kicking, screaming, clawing, etc. After a few minutes Jesse's dad offered to carry Gabriel in his carseat out to the car. What followed was a disaster... I will spare the details, but by the time we finally drove off, both boys were crying in the backseat, I was furious with Jesse, and his dad had jumped all over me :( I was FURIOUS! And I rarely get like that. If my best friend hadn't been out of town, the boys and I would've dropped Jesse off at our house and gone to hers.

Jesse tried to give all of us some space Saturday and stayed in his home office working. I dealt with Ethan all day. He would shove his brother, take toys away, and generally take out his aggression on him. I had to stay in the room with him to keep Gabriel from getting hurt. Every tiny frustration was followed by a meltdown. Periodically throughout the day he would start hitting himself and pulling his hair when his anxiety really kicked in. Whenever he saw Jesse, he would start clearing his throat. By the end of the night I had realized it was an anxiety/OCD reaction. It was awful. I was hurt and Jesse and I hadn't spoken 5 words to each other in almost 24 hours. So unlike us...

Saturday night I told Jesse I needed to talk to him about what had happened. It turned into a blowout :( But we texted later after the boys and I went to bed and it got a little better.

Sunday was a little better. Ethan was somewhat calmer. Somewhat. He didn't freak out whenever Jesse came in the room, but the throat-clearing continued.

Today (Monday) was a little better than yesterday. Ethan was calmer. Still not normal. And whenever Jesse or I would correct him, he'd start clearing his throat again. Jesse's worried he can't breathe because of how he sounds when he does it. I'm positive it's a reaction to the stress.

Jesse and I still haven't talked about Friday night. It's up to him now. But I don't want it hanging over us. On paper, we agree on certain things as far as parenting and discipline. But in practice, we're often far apart :(

Oh, and on top of everything else, my uncle (my mom's sister's husband) isn't expected to make it another day before going home to his Savior. He's the one who performed our wedding so it's not the easiest thing to lose him. And we got up this morning to find our very first bird (a 10-yr-old budgie named Fraggle) dead on the cage bottom. We knew it was coming, but it's still sad.

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

Yet Another Reminder

Today was Gabriel's 1-yr check-up. I had 2 big reminders of the ways he's physically like me.

1. Narrow ear canals - At 13 mths old, they are still so tiny that his doctor got a partial glimpse of one today, and the other is still too narrow. He can manually open them but won't unless he suspects an ear infection. He said there's no reason to cause Gabriel unnecessary pain and aggravation. One of the reasons I like our pedi :-)

2. Susceptibility to yeast infections - My poor baby... He started with a diaper rash last week. It looked like it may be from yeast so I started some natural treatments. Over the weekend it got worse but not bad. Sunday night and Monday it got a lot worse. I knew his appointment was today so I figured I'd just let his pedi look at it and go from there. The pedi barely glanced down before confirming that it was definitely a yeast infection. Lotrimin AF twice a day for at least a week... He said we'd try OTC first and if it didn't respond well we'd look into other options. I know babies in diapers get fungal infections. But i really wonder if he's more susceptible to getting them. Like I am.

Some ways I've noticed he's like me - uses his left hand more (I'm left-handed); fairly easy-going; weaker immune system; shorter than average.

I hope he didn't get my horribly crooked teeth and doesn't fight depression and OCD like me!

Add Another One to the List

I've been trying a new "experiment" off and on with Ethan - going to the bathroom without him in there with me. I go into the bathroom and close the door (he hasn't figured out the safety handles yet). He's 3 1/2. He should be able to handle this. Right?!

He SCREAMS. FREAKS out. Absolute HYSTERIA.

So while Mommy is trying to take care of, um, monthly duties, he is outside the door banging, begging, jumping up and down, screaming, and having a severe bout of separation anxiety. Then when I come out he usually wants me to hold and comfort him.

Ready for those assessments to start anytime...

Wednesday, January 5, 2011

My New Adventure

I started the Couch to 5k program yesterday! Details on how my first day went are here http://cmlhealth.blogspot.com/2011/01/c25k-day-1.html

I've been wanting to work out again for almost a year but circumstances were such that it could not happen. Last month Jesse and I made a commitment to both start working out and we're doing great so far - we completed Day 1 LOL It took us a little while to get started. The main thing holding me back was the quest for shoes (details on my Health blog - Jan 2 and Jan 3). But I found them Monday and we started on Tuesday :-) Jesse watches the boys while I work out and vice versa.

It's such a challenge as the mommy of a high needs toddler and more-needy-than-average baby who can't sleep on his own to find time to do things for me. But we agreed that our health is important enough to find the time for. We already eat healthy for the most part. And both of us feel better when we're working out regularly.

But this is about more than just us. It's about being healthy to be able to enjoy playing with the boys. It's about giving us the best opportunity to spend many years to come being parents to our little blessings. And it's about cultivating healthy habits in them. Being examples of what TO do re food and exercise, not what NOT to do. They're little enough that we have a lot of influence over these things right now. It's up to us to take advantage of that opportunity to steer them in a positive direction that will affect the course of their whole lives.

And let's not forget the spiritual aspects of being healthy!
1. Exercise is a natural antidepressant.
2. Being in shape physically enables us to carry out God's work, particularly serving others. I don't want to be too fat and unhealthy to carry out the things God has planned for me!
3. Making healthy choices forces me to rely on God, rather than the flesh - for strength to resist temptation; for strength to get out there and work out when I don't feel like it; for encouragement to make the right choices even when they're not the easy choices.
4. And let's not forget that our (Christian) bodies are the temple of the Holy Spirit and all that that entails!

I plan on blogging my workouts on my Health blog, but I will occasionally post my overall progress here too.

Sunday, January 2, 2011

Life Is Too Busy

We're used to not being very busy. Well, not busy doing things that involve leaving the house. The boys wake up when they want. I wake up with Gabriel - Ethan sleeps later. We nibble at breakfast. They play. I alternate doing chores and spending time with them. Jesse works from home so he's in and out of his office. Laid back days. Once a week the boys and I run errands. Church on Sunday. Sometimes we'll have something else going on. But most days are fairly low key.

My mom lives on the other side of town. Due to some health issues, she can't drive. My only sibling doesn't live nearby so it's my responsibility to bring her to run her errands, go to doctor's appointments, etc. Which normally isn't a big deal. The boys and I enjoy seeing her once a week usually.

But lately... For the past month she's been in physical therapy Tuesday through Thursday. I set an alarm. Get the boys and I fed, pack diaper and snack bags, get us all dressed and out the door. Then go pick up Mom. Then drive back this way for her therapy. Find something for the boys and I to do. Bring her home. Get us back home. I get up at 7:30am. We get home about noon... One of those days we bring Mom to run her errands so we either come home after therapy and I make lunch for everyone or we eat out. Either way, it makes for a long day!

We've had other things going on that make us busier than usual too - Gabriel's birthday, Christmas errands, holiday family visits etc. A lot of weeks we've been gone 6-7 days, where we're usually gone 2.

It's just too busy for us...

The holidays are over. That part should calm down. Mom has 1 week of therapy left but it will likely be extended after the follow-up with her doctor this week.

All the busyness is taking a toll on us. Ethan's getting up a couple of hours earlier than usual. But not going to bed much earlier. His anxiety issues are flaring up from the overstimulation of constantly being on the go. I'm not getting enough sleep. And it's showing :-( I'm typing this on my cell, in bed, laying down, waiting for the boys to go to sleep. And a few minutes ago I yelled at Gabriel - for the first time ever :-( And it was right in his face because he was laying next to me. His face crumpled and he busted out crying. I almost did too... It wasn't that loud but it definitely wasn't good :-( The basic housecleaning isn't getting done. I asked Mom to schedule her PT for the mornings because that's when the boys are the most pleasant. By the time we get home and I fix lunch and we eat, their most content time is over. So it's hard to get anything done. Gabriel won't nap by himself and Ethan rarely naps. So I do what I can in between taking care of what they need.

Jesse's helping with the housework some. But between the time he's had to take off for the holidays and trying to work ahead in anticipation of an out-of-town trip coming soon (funeral) and the money we need for that, he's having to work a lot.

I'm exhausted and overwhelmed. And dealing with an anxious, defiant, overstimulated toddler. And an occasionally overstimulated and fussy baby.

Can't wait for things to get more back to normal, for a while at least...