I saw this idea today and though I've seen it before, I really feel it would be good for me to do...
For those of us in the USA, Thanksgiving is this month! To celebrate, I'll post one thing each day that I'm thankful for. I hope it will encourage me to have an attitude of gratitude and look for the positive every day!
Tuesday, November 1, 2011
Sunday, October 16, 2011
Chuck E Cheese
Or, What We Won't Be Doing Again for a LOOONG Time...
Jesse's parents have us and his siblings' families over about once a month. Usually his mom cooks supper for all of us at their house. This time they invited all of us to Chuck E Cheese instead. They treated - pizza for everyone and lots of tokens for the kids. After we ate, Jesse and his dad took Ethan to play games for tickets and I brought Gabriel to the toddler area.
Ethan started getting overwhelmed after a while and decided to stay in the toddler area with Gabriel. Jesse and I took turns earning tickets playing SkeeBall etc for the boys to get prizes. At one point we brought the boys with us so Ethan could play SkeeBall. It didn't work out so good :( He couldn't get the ball up the ramp. Most of the time it ended up bouncing around and in the (thankfully empty) game next to us. Jesse and I ended up chasing balls all over the floor while holding Gabriel. Ethan was so frustrated :(
By the time we left, both boys were getting tired and fussy. But they did good while we got a couple things from Walmart and went home.
The next day, Ethan was bouncing off the walls! He was running around, in everyone's faces, being mean to Gabriel. KEYED. UP. TO. THE. MAX! He acts like that after he's been overstimulated but this was the worst it's ever been.
Every day since then has been a little better. But today is the first day he's back to being himself.
The CEC visit was nine days ago...
It's been a looong nine days...
I am EXTREMELY happy and relieved to have my Ethan back!!!
Jesse's parents have us and his siblings' families over about once a month. Usually his mom cooks supper for all of us at their house. This time they invited all of us to Chuck E Cheese instead. They treated - pizza for everyone and lots of tokens for the kids. After we ate, Jesse and his dad took Ethan to play games for tickets and I brought Gabriel to the toddler area.
Ethan started getting overwhelmed after a while and decided to stay in the toddler area with Gabriel. Jesse and I took turns earning tickets playing SkeeBall etc for the boys to get prizes. At one point we brought the boys with us so Ethan could play SkeeBall. It didn't work out so good :( He couldn't get the ball up the ramp. Most of the time it ended up bouncing around and in the (thankfully empty) game next to us. Jesse and I ended up chasing balls all over the floor while holding Gabriel. Ethan was so frustrated :(
By the time we left, both boys were getting tired and fussy. But they did good while we got a couple things from Walmart and went home.
The next day, Ethan was bouncing off the walls! He was running around, in everyone's faces, being mean to Gabriel. KEYED. UP. TO. THE. MAX! He acts like that after he's been overstimulated but this was the worst it's ever been.
Every day since then has been a little better. But today is the first day he's back to being himself.
The CEC visit was nine days ago...
It's been a looong nine days...
I am EXTREMELY happy and relieved to have my Ethan back!!!
Friday, September 23, 2011
Ethan's Occupational Therapy Evaluation
So this was the one I was waiting for... It's taken me a couple days to mentally and emotionally process the appointment itself and the results.
I really liked the therapist! She seemed so young but she was patient, took a lot of time with him, etc. And she smiled a lot :) I told her up front that he has anxiety issues and she asked if he was easily frustrated. She seemed to keep these in mind the whole time and at one point told me that she was trying to keep his frustration and anxiety to a minimum.
She started by asking me some questions about my concerns and some sensory issue oriented questions. Based on what I told her, she gave me a 125 item questionnaire to fill out while she tested his motor skills. The questionnaire dealt with sensory experiences. More about it later... She had Ethan write, draw, use scissors, and stack blocks. She also did a series of tests having to do with spatial perception and vision.
A few hours later she called me with the results. 50th percentile is considered average. 51st and above is considered above average. 49th and below is considered below average. She said they offer services if they score under 37th. On the motor skills/perception tests, he scored 32nd on one subtest, and 16th on the other. On one section he scored off the chart though! That was probably what brought his score up to 32nd. So his overall motor skills score was way below average.
Then there was the questionnaire... I tried really hard to be as accurate as I could. Each item had 5 choices ranging from always to never. It covered the whole sensory spectrum - hearing, vision, touch, movement, taste, texture, etc. I answered each item with a good deal of thought.
After she gave me the results of the motor skills tests, we discussed the sensory questionnaire. She explained how it was scored and that there were 3 possible categories for his score to fall into - normal, borderline, and (basically) so extreme as to interfere with normal daily functioning. Ethan fell "well within" the extreme category... She said it wasn't even close. She wasn't surprised because she had witnessed some of his sensory issues while she was doing the motor skills tests. There are 2 extremes with sensory issues. One is sensory-seeking, the other is sensory-avoiding. Ethan is in the sensory-avoiding extreme. What it amounts to is that he's easily overstimulated. We already knew that, but didn't know if he was out of the range of normal.
So now we're waiting on the paperwork to all go through. It will take about 3 weeks but the therapist already put him on the calendar for a regular weekly appointment starting in 3 weeks. The first appointment she'll be explaining the treatment plan and what she has laid out for us to do at home with him.
I have mixed feelings about how things went... First, I'm very happy he was tested and that he'll be getting help! I'm also relieved to know he does have sensory processing issues since Jesse and I have seen his hypersensitivity since he was born.
I'm okay with the motor delays. He was on the late end of normal with most of his physical milestones as a baby so I'm not surprised. I know he may always be slightly delayed.
I'm having a harder time dealing with the sensory issues... Jesse and I talked about it last night and I realized in talking with him that the questionnaire is a lot of what's bothering me. It's one thing to notice his reactions to stimuli throughout the day as they happen. It's another to sit down and answer questions about each of those behaviors, dwelling on them as you go, having them pile one on top of the other. It was quite overwhelming... And having a professional tell you that your child has issues that are severe enough that they interfere with him being able to function normally... It's a lot for a parent to come to terms with :(
I honestly couldn't write this post before today. Last night talking through things with Jesse and having a good cry over it really helped. I feel better about everything now.
Overall, I'm excited about the direction things are taking with Ethan :) His behavior has already improved with the PCIT, and we expect it to get better as he's taught to cope with his sensory issues. We're also looking at his behaviors a bit differently now and paying more attention to whether he could be acting out because of being overstimulated.
Jesse and I also reminded ourselves last night that God gave us this child to parent, with all of his challenges. And that He will continue to lead us in the direction that will give Ethan the help he needs, and grow us as parents...
I really liked the therapist! She seemed so young but she was patient, took a lot of time with him, etc. And she smiled a lot :) I told her up front that he has anxiety issues and she asked if he was easily frustrated. She seemed to keep these in mind the whole time and at one point told me that she was trying to keep his frustration and anxiety to a minimum.
She started by asking me some questions about my concerns and some sensory issue oriented questions. Based on what I told her, she gave me a 125 item questionnaire to fill out while she tested his motor skills. The questionnaire dealt with sensory experiences. More about it later... She had Ethan write, draw, use scissors, and stack blocks. She also did a series of tests having to do with spatial perception and vision.
A few hours later she called me with the results. 50th percentile is considered average. 51st and above is considered above average. 49th and below is considered below average. She said they offer services if they score under 37th. On the motor skills/perception tests, he scored 32nd on one subtest, and 16th on the other. On one section he scored off the chart though! That was probably what brought his score up to 32nd. So his overall motor skills score was way below average.
Then there was the questionnaire... I tried really hard to be as accurate as I could. Each item had 5 choices ranging from always to never. It covered the whole sensory spectrum - hearing, vision, touch, movement, taste, texture, etc. I answered each item with a good deal of thought.
After she gave me the results of the motor skills tests, we discussed the sensory questionnaire. She explained how it was scored and that there were 3 possible categories for his score to fall into - normal, borderline, and (basically) so extreme as to interfere with normal daily functioning. Ethan fell "well within" the extreme category... She said it wasn't even close. She wasn't surprised because she had witnessed some of his sensory issues while she was doing the motor skills tests. There are 2 extremes with sensory issues. One is sensory-seeking, the other is sensory-avoiding. Ethan is in the sensory-avoiding extreme. What it amounts to is that he's easily overstimulated. We already knew that, but didn't know if he was out of the range of normal.
So now we're waiting on the paperwork to all go through. It will take about 3 weeks but the therapist already put him on the calendar for a regular weekly appointment starting in 3 weeks. The first appointment she'll be explaining the treatment plan and what she has laid out for us to do at home with him.
I have mixed feelings about how things went... First, I'm very happy he was tested and that he'll be getting help! I'm also relieved to know he does have sensory processing issues since Jesse and I have seen his hypersensitivity since he was born.
I'm okay with the motor delays. He was on the late end of normal with most of his physical milestones as a baby so I'm not surprised. I know he may always be slightly delayed.
I'm having a harder time dealing with the sensory issues... Jesse and I talked about it last night and I realized in talking with him that the questionnaire is a lot of what's bothering me. It's one thing to notice his reactions to stimuli throughout the day as they happen. It's another to sit down and answer questions about each of those behaviors, dwelling on them as you go, having them pile one on top of the other. It was quite overwhelming... And having a professional tell you that your child has issues that are severe enough that they interfere with him being able to function normally... It's a lot for a parent to come to terms with :(
I honestly couldn't write this post before today. Last night talking through things with Jesse and having a good cry over it really helped. I feel better about everything now.
Overall, I'm excited about the direction things are taking with Ethan :) His behavior has already improved with the PCIT, and we expect it to get better as he's taught to cope with his sensory issues. We're also looking at his behaviors a bit differently now and paying more attention to whether he could be acting out because of being overstimulated.
Jesse and I also reminded ourselves last night that God gave us this child to parent, with all of his challenges. And that He will continue to lead us in the direction that will give Ethan the help he needs, and grow us as parents...
Tuesday, September 13, 2011
Ethan's Speech Evaluation
Ethan's speech eval was this morning. The therapist said she didn't see any severe issues but that there are definitely things she can work on with him. She said that it would take a few visits to see the smaller problems really come out. He definitely had problems during the eval with some of the expressive language - he had some trouble saying what he was trying to.
He will start going once a week but it will be a couple of months before he starts. The therapist is 8 months pregnant and doesn't want to start any new clients until after her maternity leave. She'll call when she's back in the office to get him on the schedule.
The most awesome moment of the eval? Therapist, pointing to a picture of a girl sitting at a table with some apples - "The girl is hungry. What is she going to do?" Ethan - "She's gonna pray!" (before she eats)
Loved it :)
He will start going once a week but it will be a couple of months before he starts. The therapist is 8 months pregnant and doesn't want to start any new clients until after her maternity leave. She'll call when she's back in the office to get him on the schedule.
The most awesome moment of the eval? Therapist, pointing to a picture of a girl sitting at a table with some apples - "The girl is hungry. What is she going to do?" Ethan - "She's gonna pray!" (before she eats)
Loved it :)
Update on Ethan
The assessments finished in April but we had to move on short notice shortly after (our apt complex was sold) so things have been pretty crazy...
The early childhood mental health unit did a full set of assessments. They even did the autism spectrum assessment (ADOS) because of some concerns they had. The ADOS came back within normal levels. His communication subscore was pretty high though (the lower, the better). They want to redo the ADOS next year to make sure it comes down.
The rest of the assessments didn't show anything "pathological." It did find abnormalities but nothing serious. There are three things they recommended:
1. Occupational therapy - fine motor and sensory issues
2. Speech therapy - articulation (and possibly processing) issues
3. PCIT http://www.pcit.org
We started the PCIT already and have already seen some improvement! His speech screening was today (more about that in another post) and the OT eval is next week.
PCIT is based on attachment theory (which is the basis for AP) and social learning theory. It's also the only form of therapy for children that has consistent scientifically proven results for a variety of behavior issues. I love that it fits so well with how we've parented him since birth :)
The early childhood mental health unit did a full set of assessments. They even did the autism spectrum assessment (ADOS) because of some concerns they had. The ADOS came back within normal levels. His communication subscore was pretty high though (the lower, the better). They want to redo the ADOS next year to make sure it comes down.
The rest of the assessments didn't show anything "pathological." It did find abnormalities but nothing serious. There are three things they recommended:
1. Occupational therapy - fine motor and sensory issues
2. Speech therapy - articulation (and possibly processing) issues
3. PCIT http://www.pcit.org
We started the PCIT already and have already seen some improvement! His speech screening was today (more about that in another post) and the OT eval is next week.
PCIT is based on attachment theory (which is the basis for AP) and social learning theory. It's also the only form of therapy for children that has consistent scientifically proven results for a variety of behavior issues. I love that it fits so well with how we've parented him since birth :)
Monday, September 12, 2011
Just Some Background
I want to share a bit about my life thus far. Where I came from, where I am now. Not a commentary, just a chronicle of the events that led me to this place in my life.
1975 - the year I was born.
1980 - started kindergarten at a small private school. Was quickly moved into first grade, mostly because I was reading at such a high level (don't remember what grade equivalency but it was way beyond first).
1987 - switched to a small Christian school. So much better in so many ways!
Junior year (fall?) - was chosen to take PSAT with hopes of gaining a National Merit scholarship. I didn't qualify but scored really well and was recruited by 100+ colleges/universities nationwide.
Senior year - placed first in state in Literary Rally for sociology.
May 1992 - graduated high school with 3rd highest GPA out of approximately 70 classmates.
August 1992 - moved 6 1/2 hours away to attend college at a small Christian college on a partial scholarship. Double major - early childhood education, psychology. I was 17...
Summer 1993 - dropped psych major. I didn't get along with the head of the department and he taught almost all of the classes.
1993-1994 school year - learned of a combination psych/sociology degree at a nearby university. Contemplated changing my career path to become an elementary school counselor.
Fall 1994 - transferred schools to pursue a major in Social Psychology with the intention of being an elementary school counselor.
January 1995 - major family drama that made it impossible for me to continue going to school out of state. Yes, I'm drastically sugar-coating what happened but it wasn't at all pretty...
January 1995 - moved in with a couple friends, worked full-time.
August 1995 - moved to continue education at a state university. Worked part-time while attending school.
October 1995 - met my husband Jesse.
December 1995 - made the decision to take some time off school with the intention of returning at a later time. Started working full-time.
October 1996 - married Jesse.
January 1997 - quit job to concentrate on home study course for child care management.
The dates after this are sketchy. I worked in day care as an assistant and later a teacher.
Fall 1999? - returned to school full-time.
May 2002 - graduated with a bachelor's degree in Behavioral Sciences (included classes in psych, sociology, and political science).
September 2002 - started working for public school system in a Title I school full-time as a kindergarten tutor.
Fall 2004 - switched to part-time with the intention of resigning at the end of the school year.
Fall 2004 - started trying to get pregnant.
Spring 2005 - resigned from tutoring job.
November 2006 - finally pregnant...
July 2007 - Ethan born.
February 2009 - started trying for baby #2.
March 2009 - pregnant!
December 2009 - Gabriel born.
January 2010 - health issues. Started what is currently my main blog - http://cmlhealth.blogspot.com
Currently:
Christian family
Stay-at-home-wife/-mom
No plans to reenter the work force
Attachment parenting family
Future homeschooling family
Active in church
Trying to make healthy choices for myself and my family
Have a child with mental/emotional issues (Ethan) who is doing therapy at a local state-run mental health clinic
There's so much more I could include of my past but for some reason, this is what seemed relevant tonight. Perhaps I'll share more at
another time...
1975 - the year I was born.
1980 - started kindergarten at a small private school. Was quickly moved into first grade, mostly because I was reading at such a high level (don't remember what grade equivalency but it was way beyond first).
1987 - switched to a small Christian school. So much better in so many ways!
Junior year (fall?) - was chosen to take PSAT with hopes of gaining a National Merit scholarship. I didn't qualify but scored really well and was recruited by 100+ colleges/universities nationwide.
Senior year - placed first in state in Literary Rally for sociology.
May 1992 - graduated high school with 3rd highest GPA out of approximately 70 classmates.
August 1992 - moved 6 1/2 hours away to attend college at a small Christian college on a partial scholarship. Double major - early childhood education, psychology. I was 17...
Summer 1993 - dropped psych major. I didn't get along with the head of the department and he taught almost all of the classes.
1993-1994 school year - learned of a combination psych/sociology degree at a nearby university. Contemplated changing my career path to become an elementary school counselor.
Fall 1994 - transferred schools to pursue a major in Social Psychology with the intention of being an elementary school counselor.
January 1995 - major family drama that made it impossible for me to continue going to school out of state. Yes, I'm drastically sugar-coating what happened but it wasn't at all pretty...
January 1995 - moved in with a couple friends, worked full-time.
August 1995 - moved to continue education at a state university. Worked part-time while attending school.
October 1995 - met my husband Jesse.
December 1995 - made the decision to take some time off school with the intention of returning at a later time. Started working full-time.
October 1996 - married Jesse.
January 1997 - quit job to concentrate on home study course for child care management.
The dates after this are sketchy. I worked in day care as an assistant and later a teacher.
Fall 1999? - returned to school full-time.
May 2002 - graduated with a bachelor's degree in Behavioral Sciences (included classes in psych, sociology, and political science).
September 2002 - started working for public school system in a Title I school full-time as a kindergarten tutor.
Fall 2004 - switched to part-time with the intention of resigning at the end of the school year.
Fall 2004 - started trying to get pregnant.
Spring 2005 - resigned from tutoring job.
November 2006 - finally pregnant...
July 2007 - Ethan born.
February 2009 - started trying for baby #2.
March 2009 - pregnant!
December 2009 - Gabriel born.
January 2010 - health issues. Started what is currently my main blog - http://cmlhealth.blogspot.com
Currently:
Christian family
Stay-at-home-wife/-mom
No plans to reenter the work force
Attachment parenting family
Future homeschooling family
Active in church
Trying to make healthy choices for myself and my family
Have a child with mental/emotional issues (Ethan) who is doing therapy at a local state-run mental health clinic
There's so much more I could include of my past but for some reason, this is what seemed relevant tonight. Perhaps I'll share more at
another time...
Monday, July 18, 2011
Always a Rough Day
July 18th is always a day filled with memories... In some ways, it's more emotional than July 19th.
On July 18, 2007 I was reminded that things do not always go according to plan. After trying for over two years to get pregnant, God had nudged me in the right direction to find out why we weren't having success and our long-awaited, long-hoped-for, much anticipated baby was FINALLY on the way! Jesse and I saved up the money to attend Bradley classes and we did our homework faithfully. We were determined that I was going to get that natural birth I wanted! I read pregnancy books, breastfeeding books, books about natural parenting. I researched every baby product we ended up putting on our registry.
And then came that fateful day... I was just shy of 39 weeks. For a few weeks my blood pressure had been climbing. I had no signs of pre-eclampsia and the NST's showed no cause for concern. But I had a gut feeling something wasn't right. It wasn't jitters about the upcoming birth. Mother's intuition I guess. I kept feeling Ethan move inside my womb. I knew he was fine. My OB was concerned that I was still carrying him so high so he had scheduled an ultrasound to check something in my pelvic structure. He assured me that he would let me labor no matter what my pelvic bones looked like as long as Ethan and I were both tolerating labor. Despite all his reassurances (and I TOTALLY believed what he told me - I knew he was one of the best when it came to natural, med-free births, and a Christian!), I was dreading that ultrasound. I didn't know why. D-R-E-A-D-I-N-G it.
My appointment was scheduled for right after lunch. My OB was tied up in a meeting but the ultrasound tech knew what he needed to check. So he started. I was so nervous. I had had other ultrasounds but had never been scared before this one. He did some things I didn't expect. Like give my stomach a hard jar. He did warn me first though. He asked the nurse if Dr. H was back yet. He calmly said he needed to see him as soon as he came back in. By this point, I knew something was wrong. I tried to stay calm and reassured myself by watching Ethan's heart waves on the ultrasound monitor. They stayed strong and steady...
When Dr. H got there, the tech quietly gave him some measurements as he moved the ultrasound paddle around my stomach. Dr. H moved me to another room to talk to me while the tech set up for the next appointment. I knew it wasn't good news...
Dr. H buried his head in his hands. He told me that most women would be thrilled by what he was about to say. But he knew I wouldn't. The ultrasound showed my amniotic fluid was very low. Dangerously so. But that wasn't his only concern. Unexplained blood pressure rise + low amniotic fluid = likely placental failure in progresss. One way or another, Ethan was coming. Soon.
He checked me and I was less than a fingertip dilated, thick, and high. An induction was not going to work. He sent me to the hospital for a NST. He said that if Ethan showed the least bit of stress, they would immediately get me ready for a c-section. If he seemed to be okay, it would be scheduled for the next morning.
All our hopes for a calm, natural birth were gone. Replaced with lots of prayer for God to keep Ethan safe as long as he was in there. I didn't really question the need for the c-section. I had known for weeks something was wrong. I was thankful to finally know what it was.
For four years now I've relived that day. Especially on the anniversary of the day it happened - July 18.
Going back to that day... Ethan passed the NST so we spent the day preparing mentally, physically, and spiritually for what was coming. I only got a few hours sleep. I was too upset to sleep. Too worried.
Ethan was born the next morning. I'll spare you the details of the epidural etc. When Dr. H cut me open, the little bit of amniotic fluid that had been there less than 24 hours before was gone... But he weighed in at 6 lbs 2 oz and had no immediate problems.
The next few weeks were tough - I had a reaction to the epidural, Ethan was diagnosed failure-to-thrive, I wasn't able to breastfeed (not for lack of trying), he was fussy all the time, etc.
But more than the weeks after, and even more than the day of his birth, July 18 is the day that is so emotional. The day I remember so vividly. The day I found out nothing was going to go according to plan with his birth.
This is the first year I haven't gone hour by hour thinking about what I was doing that fateful day at that time. Probably because I was dealing with a lot today - all four of us are sick, Ethan had a really bad day, etc. Maybe that's a good thing.
It's getting easier with time. But it still makes me cry when I relive the details. I still haven't fully come to terms with it...
On July 18, 2007 I was reminded that things do not always go according to plan. After trying for over two years to get pregnant, God had nudged me in the right direction to find out why we weren't having success and our long-awaited, long-hoped-for, much anticipated baby was FINALLY on the way! Jesse and I saved up the money to attend Bradley classes and we did our homework faithfully. We were determined that I was going to get that natural birth I wanted! I read pregnancy books, breastfeeding books, books about natural parenting. I researched every baby product we ended up putting on our registry.
And then came that fateful day... I was just shy of 39 weeks. For a few weeks my blood pressure had been climbing. I had no signs of pre-eclampsia and the NST's showed no cause for concern. But I had a gut feeling something wasn't right. It wasn't jitters about the upcoming birth. Mother's intuition I guess. I kept feeling Ethan move inside my womb. I knew he was fine. My OB was concerned that I was still carrying him so high so he had scheduled an ultrasound to check something in my pelvic structure. He assured me that he would let me labor no matter what my pelvic bones looked like as long as Ethan and I were both tolerating labor. Despite all his reassurances (and I TOTALLY believed what he told me - I knew he was one of the best when it came to natural, med-free births, and a Christian!), I was dreading that ultrasound. I didn't know why. D-R-E-A-D-I-N-G it.
My appointment was scheduled for right after lunch. My OB was tied up in a meeting but the ultrasound tech knew what he needed to check. So he started. I was so nervous. I had had other ultrasounds but had never been scared before this one. He did some things I didn't expect. Like give my stomach a hard jar. He did warn me first though. He asked the nurse if Dr. H was back yet. He calmly said he needed to see him as soon as he came back in. By this point, I knew something was wrong. I tried to stay calm and reassured myself by watching Ethan's heart waves on the ultrasound monitor. They stayed strong and steady...
When Dr. H got there, the tech quietly gave him some measurements as he moved the ultrasound paddle around my stomach. Dr. H moved me to another room to talk to me while the tech set up for the next appointment. I knew it wasn't good news...
Dr. H buried his head in his hands. He told me that most women would be thrilled by what he was about to say. But he knew I wouldn't. The ultrasound showed my amniotic fluid was very low. Dangerously so. But that wasn't his only concern. Unexplained blood pressure rise + low amniotic fluid = likely placental failure in progresss. One way or another, Ethan was coming. Soon.
He checked me and I was less than a fingertip dilated, thick, and high. An induction was not going to work. He sent me to the hospital for a NST. He said that if Ethan showed the least bit of stress, they would immediately get me ready for a c-section. If he seemed to be okay, it would be scheduled for the next morning.
All our hopes for a calm, natural birth were gone. Replaced with lots of prayer for God to keep Ethan safe as long as he was in there. I didn't really question the need for the c-section. I had known for weeks something was wrong. I was thankful to finally know what it was.
For four years now I've relived that day. Especially on the anniversary of the day it happened - July 18.
Going back to that day... Ethan passed the NST so we spent the day preparing mentally, physically, and spiritually for what was coming. I only got a few hours sleep. I was too upset to sleep. Too worried.
Ethan was born the next morning. I'll spare you the details of the epidural etc. When Dr. H cut me open, the little bit of amniotic fluid that had been there less than 24 hours before was gone... But he weighed in at 6 lbs 2 oz and had no immediate problems.
The next few weeks were tough - I had a reaction to the epidural, Ethan was diagnosed failure-to-thrive, I wasn't able to breastfeed (not for lack of trying), he was fussy all the time, etc.
But more than the weeks after, and even more than the day of his birth, July 18 is the day that is so emotional. The day I remember so vividly. The day I found out nothing was going to go according to plan with his birth.
This is the first year I haven't gone hour by hour thinking about what I was doing that fateful day at that time. Probably because I was dealing with a lot today - all four of us are sick, Ethan had a really bad day, etc. Maybe that's a good thing.
It's getting easier with time. But it still makes me cry when I relive the details. I still haven't fully come to terms with it...
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