"I'm Gonna Cry, Puke, or Both"

Those were the words that came out of my mouth as I walked into the computer room tonight where Jesse was working.

It was a rough afternoon/evening with Ethan. He got progressively more, well, it's hard to put words to. He intentionally kept trying to make his brother upset (and delighted in it). He wouldn't listen to Jesse or me (especially Jesse). He was rambunctious. He had a total disregard for everyone but himself. Things came to a head and Jesse had to restrain him to finally get him to calm down :( I brushed him and got him to finish eating his supper.

After that he was better for a while, then things started going downhill again. It was about time to start getting ready for bed so I started my bedtime routine. Ethan decided he was still hungry. He usually has some yogurt before bed and asked for some. Of course, Gabriel wanted some too. That meant I had to stop and feed him before I finished doing what I needed to. Ethan was headed back in the wrong direction behavior-wise, I was exhausted, and Gabriel was stressed out and fussy. The last thing I wanted was to take the time to feed Gabriel his yogurt! The sooner I finished getting the boys and me ready for bed, the sooner we could get to bed. The sooner we could get to bed, the sooner the boys would calm down and go to sleep. The sooner the boys got to sleep, the sooner I could start winding down and go to sleep.

By this time I had had it. Emotionally it had been a rough one. I had yelled at Ethan a few times (very unusual for me) but he was ignoring me unless I was yelling. I had told him at one point "Stop torturing your brother!" because that's what he was intentionally doing :(

I was emotionally exhausted. The boys and I needed to get to bed ASAP. I walked into the computer room and said, "I'm gonna cry, puke, or both."

Jesse got up from the computer, hugged me, and asked what he could do. He knew I was totally stressed out. We talked for a minute and he offered to feed Gabriel. He wanted to do whatever would get us to bed fastest. So Jesse fed Gabriel, I finished getting everything ready for bed, and we were in bed shortly. I wish I could say the boys went right to sleep but they didn't. Ethan went to sleep fairly quickly but Gabriel was too keyed up and it took him a while.

And in the meantime, the mommy guilt started.

Guilt for yelling.

Guilt for not thinking to brush Ethan when he started acting up.

Guilt for Gabriel having to be on the receiving end of Ethan's mean treatment.

Guilt for Jesse having to restrain Ethan.

Guilt for interrupting Jesse's work to have him feed Gabriel.

Guilt for getting so stressed out that I was nauseous.

Ugh.

Mommy guilt is a horrible thing! But I have to remind myself of Romans 8:1 - "Therefore there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus."

Tonight, I'm standing on that promise... And knowing that tomorrow is another day.

"So do not worry about tomorrow; for tomorrow will care for itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." Matthew 6:34

Hopefully today was enough trouble for tomorrow too ;)