Friday, December 24, 2010

So Thankful...

That even though we've had a rough year financially, we were able to get some really neat presents for the boys :-) It's not about how much we spent. In fact, some of the things Ethan will enjoy most were a dollar or less!

As I was wrapping presents last night, I thought about what the boys will think of them. One in particular made me smile... Ever since we went to the children's museum last week (part of celebrating Gabriel's birthday), Ethan has asked off and on for a Walmart bag, presumably so he can go grocery shopping. I told him that I couldn't let him play with them because they could hurt Gabriel. But it gave me the idea of buying him some of the reusable ones for Christmas. He saw me put a couple of them in our shopping cart this week and he told me, "Mommy, I want that!" I gave him my Oh, Puh-leeze look and smiled and didn't say anything. They're now wrapped with the rest of his gifts. Can't wait to see his face when he opens them LOL

I don't know how much Gabriel will be into opening presents. Or how he'll react to his new toys. I hope he enjoys himself :-)

Our Christmas

We'll be going to Jesse's parents' tonight for the annual big get-together. We do a fun gift game (Dirty Santa), and eat chicken and sausage gumbo, potato salad, etc. And of course just hang out :-) The kids open their gifts before we do our game and then spend most of the night happily entertaining each other in the playroom.

Christmas Day we usually spend with my dad, his wife, and my brother's family. It's a 2-hour drive each way so it's a long but enjoyable day!

Since we have a late night Christmas Eve and an early morning Christmas Day, we open presents Christmas Eve when we get back home. We don't do Santa so it works out really well! The boys get to open and play with their gifts while Jesse and I spend time winding down and enjoying the boys' excitement :-)

We don't have to get up super early Christmas Day, we don't have to rush through opening presents, and the boys get to play with their new stuff without worrying about time. Sure, they're up really late. But it's so much easier than having to wake them up early and be in such a rush! We wake them up with the anticipation of going to Grand-Daddy's and Meme's who they only see a few times a year. And they get to spend the car trip sleeping ;-) By the time we get there, they're excited and ready for the big day :-)

I'm sure we'll fine-tune the way we do things as the boys get older, but for now this works out great for us!

Merry Christmas to everyone! Hope you have a blessed time with family and friends, and don't forget the Reason for the season!!!

Thursday, December 16, 2010

Update Coming Soon...

Gabriel's 2-day birthday celebration and more... Need some computer time to do it :-)

Sunday, December 5, 2010

Making Myself Vulnerable

Most of you reading this already know what I'm about to talk about. But I want, no, I NEED to get it out here "in public."

Ethan's always been high strung. And I mean always. Like since he was a day old still in the hospital. He's always been very sensitive and feeds off our emotions. And oh yeah, he's always had a temper.

There are things he does periodically like throw toys in the playpen where he can't get them out. Methodically break a whole box worth of crayons in half, calmly searching the apartment for every one and breaking it in half. And then immediately crying after he starts breaking them, continuing to break them, and crying when he's done. He went through a period of throwing his sippy/pillow on the floor every night and then screaming to get them back. Not fun when you're trying to sleep. In the car he frequently would throw his sippy/Puppy on the floor and scream to get them back. Not fun when you're trying to drive.

It seems like there's a common thread to all of these - compulsion. And I think he's realizing it himself. He doesn't want his sippy/pillow in bed anymore because he knows he'll throw them down. He doesn't want his sippy/Puppy in the car anymore because he knows he'll throw them down.

I'm trying to walk a fine line. I know mental illness runs in both Jesse's and my families. So the boys do have biological predispositions to it. My degree is in behavioral sciences. Some might say I took just enough psychology classes to be dangerous ;-) I don't want to be looking for mental issues in my kids when there aren't any. On the other hand, I want to notice possible issues and deal with them before they progress to the level of other members of our families. So where's that balance?

I found out about a program at our local state mental health hospital that deals specifically with children age 0-5. They work with the parents and the children and try to take care of smaller issues before they get big. They mainly do play therapy, and they have child psych's on staff that work with that age group if needed. She stressed to me that the focus of the program is on changing behavior, teaching parents how to effectively manage the child's issues, etc versus pushing meds.

I prayed. And prayed. And prayed. I kept asking for confirmation that something really was going on with him. And that this program was the direction we should go. I kept feeling peace about it, no matter how much I deliberated. Every sign I got showed me to take this direction.

We did the intake appointment back in July but weren't able to get all the paperwork together we needed till right before Thanksgiving. Once they get the paperwork from me, we'll go on the assessment schedule. They do many hours of assessments over multiple weeks, fine-tuning as they go. He won't have an official diagnosis (they intentionally avoid labeling at his age), but will have a set of "tendencies" he shows.

I felt much better after the appointment for a few reasons. The lady who ended up doing our appointment is the head of the program. And she AP'ed her kids! That right there put me at ease :) Toward the beginning of our conversation I told her something about how Ethan never let us put him down as a baby and her response was, "So you wore him a lot, right?" Uhhh... Not quite the response I was expecting ;) I was up front that Ethan wasn't vaxed. She said there was another family in the program that didn't either - not a problem. But a lot of the reason I felt better was her reactions to some of the incidents we mentioned. I saw her facial expressions - surprise, concern. It was even more confirmation that we were doing the right thing.

Hopefully within the next week they'll be able to get the rest of the paperwork from us and we'll get on the assessment schedule.

I'll post ongoing updates. Please keep my family in prayer as we take this journey!

Thursday, December 2, 2010

Christmas Tree Is Up!

This time last year I was 8 1/2 months pregnant. Bad heartburn issues due to carrying Gabriel super high - same as Ethan. Sick with constant colds. Weak.

We didn't get our tree up last year :-( I was just too sick. We didn't get to do hardly anything for our favorite time of year... No going to see Christmas decorations, none of our own decorations. Ethan didn't even get his presents from us till over a month later.

Don't get me wrong. I wouldn't trade Gabriel for any of the things we missed out on! But it was a rough pregnancy, especially toward the end. And we really feel like we totally missed Christmas.

So we're determined this year will be different :-) Number one on our list - Christmas tree! Our living space is so cramped that our full-size tree lives in our storage unit, in anticipation of one day living somewhere there's space to put it up. What we have is a 3-foot tree. It sounds so small but it really seems larger! We've bought ornaments through the years, plus my mom buys us new ones every so often.

We originally planned on putting the tree up Thanksgiving day. But we ended up having to wait till after our big Thanksgiving dinner Saturday. Then it kept getting pushed back. We decided today was IT! The boys and I woke up to find the boxes containing the tree and decorations in the dining room this morning :-)

All day it was one thing after another but we finally got started after supper. I always leave the lights on the tree and was disappointed to find they weren't on when I unboxed it. Then I remembered that two years ago I had to buy new lights and didn't like the way I had wrapped them. So I had taken them off to start fresh the next year. I started putting them on the tree and thought about plugging them in... just to be sure they worked. So I plugged them in and NOTHING. Pushed each bulb tightly in (all 100 of them) and tried again. Still nothing. I found a new set of lights in the boxes (remembered they had been B1G1F) and they worked! But it wasn't enough to cover the tree like I wanted.

So at this point I had three options:
1. Rewrap the lights to try to cover the tree better
2. Go out tomorrow and buy another set of lights - and explain to Ethan that we couldn't do the tree yet
3. Get out and buy more lights

At 9pm I walked to the car and headed a mile down the road to pick up another set of lights. I needed an extension cord anyway.

Got back home, connected the strands, and put both sets on the tree. Plugged it in and BAM! Ever see 200 lights on a 3-foot tree? Some might say it's overkill but we think it's beautiful :-) I added the snowflake garland.

Then came the fun part. Ornaments! We have so many that they can't possibly all fit. So I laid out Ethan's special ornaments (the ones with his name on them etc) and most of the others. He was so excited :-) I explained that he had to put his special ones on first. As he did, I told him the story of each one. "Grandma got this one for you" "Your cousin has one just like this with his name on it" "This one says you're a gift from God" "Look! A frog for our frog-baby" (his nickname as a baby).

After those were on the tree, I let him have at it.

I told him he could put the ornaments wherever he wanted. Jesse and I took turns taking pictures and occasionally holding him up when he asked to reach a high branch. Gabriel played happily on the other side of the gate and periodically peeked at us. He was quite content to let us do all the work while he played ;-) I unpacked the colored candy canes and let Ethan place them on the tree as well. I put a few ornaments but I let him do most of them.

Ethan had the best time! The bottom front of the tree (approximate eye level for him) has multiple ornaments and candy canes on each branch. It LOOKS like a 3-year-old decorated it. And you know what? That's just how it's going to stay. Jesse asked if I was going to move things around later. No way! It's PERFECT the way it is :-D

I found myself getting so emotional tonight. Watching the pure delight on Ethan's face as I lit the tree to test the lights. His pride in being able to decorate it. His frustration when ornaments wouldn't stay where he wanted - usually because the branch had too many on it already ;-) His despondency when one of the plain silver balls fell off and shattered at his feet.

In some ways I feel more like a mommy tonight than I ever have. Watching this child who I hoped for since I was a child and tried to conceive for over two years, who grew inside of me, who I felt move and grow, who I have nurtured physically, emotionally, and spiritually, who I'm watching turn into a little boy right before my eyes. Seeing the range of emotions as he's decorating the tree for the first time. Knowing that next year Gabriel will be helping too. It was such a special time for me that I don't have words to describe it...

P.S. It was so cute listening to Ethan telling me over and over after we were done, "Mommy, I like our tree!" with a very happy smile that lit up his whole face :-)