Beanbags!

I did my first couple beanbags today! The second came out better than the first but the boys are enjoying both of them :D

I decided to do the paw print fleece first. I didn't have to stitch it inside out, and I had the thread to match. Plus it was high contrast, and Ethan liked it a lot :)

I started by cutting squares roughly 5 1/2 by 5 1/2 inches. I wanted the finished size to be about 5x5. The squares weren't even. When I go to Walmart, I'll pick up a pack of chalk to draw the cutting lines for the my next ones. Here's the second one pinned.



Next I stitched the 2 squares together. The rest of the pictures are of the first one I did. Since I forgot to take a picture of the first one pinned, I had to use the second.



Here's what I used to fill them. It says do not use for children's crafts but my mom, who has been crafting forever, said that was for legal reasons only ;) I decided on this filling because it was at Walmart where I was shopping, it wasn't very expensive ($5 for a 2# bag), and it's washable!



I left an unstitched hole big enough to fit a large funnel. That's how I filled them. I ended up using about 4 oz of the filling. I could have used a little less in the first, but it ended up perfect for the second (it was cut a tad bigger).



After I filled it, I stitched up the hole I had left. Here it is stitched and stuffed.



The other side.



And here is the finished product! The stitches aren't exactly straight, and I had trouble trimming the fabric even, but know what? I'm happy with the size, the boys are having fun with them, and I'm excited to have made a toy for them myself!!!



Here's Gabriel getting ready to throw it, again :) He kept throwing it and saying, "Ball!"



Here are all the fabrics I got to make beanbags out of. Each piece is 1/4 yard. I should be able to make 8 beanbags from each. Maybe more. The paw print and ducks are fleece. The next two animal prints are flannel. The light blue is minky.



I'll post pics of the finished product as I make more of them! Eventually... ;)

Feeling Crafty

Monday I picked up some fabric. I wanted a project that would be easy, not take up much room to do, and cheap. I also wanted it to be for the boys. So I ended up with 5 different fabrics to make beanbags! I got 2 flannels, 2 fleece, and a minky. Gabriel LOVES soft textures right now, so I chose accordingly! Once they're cut out, I can sit in the living room and sew them up (by hand - I don't have a machine) while the boys play. I ended up picking up a bag of the washable stuffing beads at Walmart today. It was $5 for a 2# bag. If I pick up one a week till I have enough, it won't be a hit on the budget, and I won't be making them faster than that anyway! I'll try to get a pic of the fabrics and upload it.

I love to cross stitch! I love to be creative! But since Ethan was born I just haven't been able to do much :( And I really miss it! I get creative in the kitchen but that just isn't the same... While I was pregnant with Gabriel I handmade Ethan a pillowcase for a travel-sized pillow. That's the only thing I've done in a loooong time. Other than bringing my cross stitch to Mom's Night Out sometimes and working for about an hour there.

Really looking forward to working on something for the boys :D

A :-) and a :-( from Ethan

The boys and I ate lunch out with my mom today. After a while, Gabriel got fussy in his high chair. Ethan said, "Mommy, let's pray." I asked what we were going to pray for. He said, "Pray, Gabriel's sad." Warmed my heart :-)

We had a rough situation with the car this morning. Ethan was in the midst of it but was so good! He stayed mostly calm through a stressful situation. When we finally left, Jesse asked me to get him a reward for handling things so well. There's a book I've been wanting to get him so I bought it as his reward. I gave it to him in the store but he wasn't nearly as excited as I thought he would be. After we got home, I reminded him about his new book - something that's usually an exciting thing. Instead he calmly explained that he didn't want his book because he would "put it behind the couch." :-( It's his current OCD manifestation. When he shoves a paper or thin book down the small space where the top of the back of the couch doesn't quite meet the wall, they may as well be in a black hole. We can't get them back out short of moving at least two pieces of furniture.

He recognized tonight that if he had the book in his hands, he would drop it into the abyss. It's like when he wouldn't hold his sippy or Puppy in the car because he knew he would throw them down.

It broke my heart... He said it so calmly, so matter-of-fact.

And so his reward, ended up being anything but... :-(

I'll put the book away for another time. One day he'll be able to enjoy it...

Public Parenting Vs Parenting in Private

Or more accurately, Parenting At Home Vs Parenting When Not At Home. And I'm speaking mainly of Ethan.

Some basic facts about Ethan:
1. He has anxiety issues
2. He is easily overstimulated
3. His anxiety is worse when he's around more than a few people or around people he's not very familiar with
4. He feeds off the emotions of others

Which all combines to make parenting outside of our home a challenge...

It's not that I parent 100% differently at home versus not at home. There are certain basics that stand regardless of place or circumstances. For example, hitting is absolutely not acceptable! With that said, the way I handle behavior issues is not always the same.

Away from home, I've noticed that Ethan usually acts up when:
1. He's anxious
2. He's overstimulated
3. He's around a lot of people or ones he's not very familiar with
4. Others around him are anxious or emotional
5. He's tired (which makes him more sensitive to 1-4)

When we're not at home, I tend to "baby him" more. I diffuse situations whenever possible, sometimes at the expense of forcing obedience. Why? Because it's what works. If I'm stricter with him, he bucks back. Sometimes, that's what has to happen because he HAS to obey. Like if we need to leave somewhere and he doesn't want to go. I will diffuse and coax to a certain point, but then there is no arguing. I will be as firm as I need to be. It's hard even in those situations to keep your cool, outwardly at least. But the more worked up I am in dealing with him, the more anxious he gets. And the more he resists. And the bigger tantrum he throws. And the less chance I have of getting him to cooperate. Even if I'm forcefully holding him in the carseat to get him buckled in, with him screaming and hitting and scratching, I have to CALMLY tell him it's time to leave, and buckle him in without yelling and being more forceful than necessary.

Other people see the way I deal with him when we're not at home and assume that's how I always "discipline." This is so not the case! I do try to diffuse at home. But I insist on more straight obedience here. When we're out and about, I take into consideration that he's likely overstimulated, and am not as firm with him. Because I know in that state of mind, I will get more cooperation being as gentle as possible. And yep, I even compromise or give in more when we're not home. Why? Same reason - I will get more cooperation in the long run.

Do I think diffusing more, compromising more, or outright giving in more undermines what I do at home? Undermines his respect for me as the parent? Undermines his respect for authority? Makes him think he can behave worse in public and get away with it? I think not! If you had your child at a grocery store and s/he started running a fever and got whiny, would you be more tolerant as you rushed to the checkout than you would be with a healthy child? Or would you say that the reason doesn't matter and discipline the child for their behavior?

It's the same with something wrong mentally. You have to make allowances for when that "symptom" appears.

Yeah... Sometimes he's acting up just because he's a kid. But if I even suspect one of the four conditions are in effect, I WILL adjust my parenting/discipline style accordingly.

And please, please, PLEASE! Think twice before you judge the way others parent. You don't know what may be going on with that child physically, emotionally, or mentally that's influencing their behavior or their parent's reaction. ALWAYS err on the side of grace!!!

Carving Out Bible Time

It's such a challenge! I get up with the boys. Gabriel usually catnaps, or he naps on me. Ethan rarely naps, and when he does, he's awake till midnight. I go to sleep with the boys. It's so hard to find quiet time to read my bible! It's not that I feel like I HAVE to. I WANT to! Why wouldn't I want to read my savior's love letter to me?!

So I made a decision this week. Quiet time just ain't happening! But if I can just read the bible - Not study. Not dwell on it. Just READ - at least it will be something!

Jesse bought me a nook in January as a late Christmas/early birthday/just because gift. It's so convenient for me to be able to have so many books at my fingertips! I can read it while the boys are playing (they're much less fussy if I'm in the room). I can read it while Gabriel is laying in my lap with a bottle or sleeping. I can read it in bed (with the reading light). The first thing I put on there when I got it was a bible.

Since then, I've stopped and started. Reading here and there. I wasn't happy with what I was doing but I didn't have a plan to follow. And I just felt like it wasn't working for me.

This week I bought a daily bible for my nook (a bible that has a plan to read it through in 365 days). It includes 52 devotional articles by Charles Stanley - one for each week of the year. The bible is in its usual format, but there is a list at the beginning with where the readings are for that day - one from the OT, one from Psalms, one from Proverbs, and one from the NT. And better yet, the readings work like a webpage. Each are links that I can click on. When I finished the OT reading for the first day (in Gen), there was a link at the end of the reading that brought me to the day's reading in Psalms. And so on. It's working out great! After I finish the day's reading, I go to the beginning of the next day's and bookmark it so it's ready for the next day. Then the next day I just pull up the bible and go to the bookmark for my first reading, then follow the links from there.

I sit in the recliner in the living room and read out loud. The boys play. Interrupt me. And even occasionally listen ;) If I'm reading out loud, I'm paying more attention to what I'm reading. And if the boys catch a bit here and there, all the better!

So it's not a traditional quiet time of reading and reflection. But I am getting the Word into my heart and my mind. And I'm looking forward to reading through the whole bible! I've read most of the OT and all of the NT, but never the whole thing. I timed it today and it took me less than 15 minutes to read the day's selections out loud. If I need to, I can break it up and bookmark where I am and pick it back up later in the day.

I'm actually excited that I have a method that looks like it will work for me and my needs :D

Making Myself Vulnerable

Most of you reading this already know what I'm about to talk about. But I want, no, I NEED to get it out here "in public."

Ethan's always been high strung. And I mean always. Like since he was a day old still in the hospital. He's always been very sensitive and feeds off our emotions. And oh yeah, he's always had a temper.

There are things he does periodically like throw toys in the playpen where he can't get them out. Methodically break a whole box worth of crayons in half, calmly searching the apartment for every one and breaking it in half. And then immediately crying after he starts breaking them, continuing to break them, and crying when he's done. He went through a period of throwing his sippy/pillow on the floor every night and then screaming to get them back. Not fun when you're trying to sleep. In the car he frequently would throw his sippy/Puppy on the floor and scream to get them back. Not fun when you're trying to drive.

It seems like there's a common thread to all of these - compulsion. And I think he's realizing it himself. He doesn't want his sippy/pillow in bed anymore because he knows he'll throw them down. He doesn't want his sippy/Puppy in the car anymore because he knows he'll throw them down.

I'm trying to walk a fine line. I know mental illness runs in both Jesse's and my families. So the boys do have biological predispositions to it. My degree is in behavioral sciences. Some might say I took just enough psychology classes to be dangerous ;-) I don't want to be looking for mental issues in my kids when there aren't any. On the other hand, I want to notice possible issues and deal with them before they progress to the level of other members of our families. So where's that balance?

I found out about a program at our local state mental health hospital that deals specifically with children age 0-5. They work with the parents and the children and try to take care of smaller issues before they get big. They mainly do play therapy, and they have child psych's on staff that work with that age group if needed. She stressed to me that the focus of the program is on changing behavior, teaching parents how to effectively manage the child's issues, etc versus pushing meds.

I prayed. And prayed. And prayed. I kept asking for confirmation that something really was going on with him. And that this program was the direction we should go. I kept feeling peace about it, no matter how much I deliberated. Every sign I got showed me to take this direction.

We did the intake appointment back in July but weren't able to get all the paperwork together we needed till right before Thanksgiving. Once they get the paperwork from me, we'll go on the assessment schedule. They do many hours of assessments over multiple weeks, fine-tuning as they go. He won't have an official diagnosis (they intentionally avoid labeling at his age), but will have a set of "tendencies" he shows.

I felt much better after the appointment for a few reasons. The lady who ended up doing our appointment is the head of the program. And she AP'ed her kids! That right there put me at ease :) Toward the beginning of our conversation I told her something about how Ethan never let us put him down as a baby and her response was, "So you wore him a lot, right?" Uhhh... Not quite the response I was expecting ;) I was up front that Ethan wasn't vaxed. She said there was another family in the program that didn't either - not a problem. But a lot of the reason I felt better was her reactions to some of the incidents we mentioned. I saw her facial expressions - surprise, concern. It was even more confirmation that we were doing the right thing.

Hopefully within the next week they'll be able to get the rest of the paperwork from us and we'll get on the assessment schedule.

I'll post ongoing updates. Please keep my family in prayer as we take this journey!