The boys and I ate lunch out with my mom today. After a while, Gabriel got fussy in his high chair. Ethan said, "Mommy, let's pray." I asked what we were going to pray for. He said, "Pray, Gabriel's sad." Warmed my heart :-)
We had a rough situation with the car this morning. Ethan was in the midst of it but was so good! He stayed mostly calm through a stressful situation. When we finally left, Jesse asked me to get him a reward for handling things so well. There's a book I've been wanting to get him so I bought it as his reward. I gave it to him in the store but he wasn't nearly as excited as I thought he would be. After we got home, I reminded him about his new book - something that's usually an exciting thing. Instead he calmly explained that he didn't want his book because he would "put it behind the couch." :-( It's his current OCD manifestation. When he shoves a paper or thin book down the small space where the top of the back of the couch doesn't quite meet the wall, they may as well be in a black hole. We can't get them back out short of moving at least two pieces of furniture.
He recognized tonight that if he had the book in his hands, he would drop it into the abyss. It's like when he wouldn't hold his sippy or Puppy in the car because he knew he would throw them down.
It broke my heart... He said it so calmly, so matter-of-fact.
And so his reward, ended up being anything but... :-(
I'll put the book away for another time. One day he'll be able to enjoy it...
Thursday, March 3, 2011
Getting Nervous...
So tomorrow's the big day. We were gone ALL day today. Like, 11 1/2 hours all day! The day started with a dead car battery, Mom had PT, and we had a ton of errands to run. I know neither Ethan nor I will be at our best tomorrow. Maybe that's for the best...
It will be so strange having 45 uninterrupted minutes alone with Ethan! That NEVER happens :( And knowing that every bit of that time will be watched live, video'ed, and rewatched countless times... It's a bit unnerving!
I'm trying not to feel like I'll be being judged but that is how I feel. And to a certain extent, it's what will happen. They'll be looking at how Ethan and I relate to each other.
Next week it will be Jesse's turn.
But tomorrow it's MY turn. Praying Ethan and I both can get some good sleep tonight and be at least somewhat rested for our big day...
It will be so strange having 45 uninterrupted minutes alone with Ethan! That NEVER happens :( And knowing that every bit of that time will be watched live, video'ed, and rewatched countless times... It's a bit unnerving!
I'm trying not to feel like I'll be being judged but that is how I feel. And to a certain extent, it's what will happen. They'll be looking at how Ethan and I relate to each other.
Next week it will be Jesse's turn.
But tomorrow it's MY turn. Praying Ethan and I both can get some good sleep tonight and be at least somewhat rested for our big day...
Tuesday, March 1, 2011
What I Suspect...
After the assessment process is finished, here's what I think they may find:
Definite - anxiety, OCD (obsessive compulsive disorder)
Probable - ODD (oppositional defiant disorder)
Possible - social anxiety
Should find out in about a month...
When he gets frustrated lately, he hits himself and/or pulls his hair hard. Particularly when we have to fuss at him. Breaks my heart to see him purposely hurt himself :-(
Definite - anxiety, OCD (obsessive compulsive disorder)
Probable - ODD (oppositional defiant disorder)
Possible - social anxiety
Should find out in about a month...
When he gets frustrated lately, he hits himself and/or pulls his hair hard. Particularly when we have to fuss at him. Breaks my heart to see him purposely hurt himself :-(
WOOHOO!!!
Ethan's assessments start Friday! This means we are officially in :-D Friday will be Ethan and me. They'll be evaluating our interactions in a room of toys. Then next week will be Jesse's turn - same eval. We're so anxious to get this going! Especially the way the past few days have gone...
Public Parenting Vs Parenting in Private
Or more accurately, Parenting At Home Vs Parenting When Not At Home. And I'm speaking mainly of Ethan.
Some basic facts about Ethan:
1. He has anxiety issues
2. He is easily overstimulated
3. His anxiety is worse when he's around more than a few people or around people he's not very familiar with
4. He feeds off the emotions of others
Which all combines to make parenting outside of our home a challenge...
It's not that I parent 100% differently at home versus not at home. There are certain basics that stand regardless of place or circumstances. For example, hitting is absolutely not acceptable! With that said, the way I handle behavior issues is not always the same.
Away from home, I've noticed that Ethan usually acts up when:
1. He's anxious
2. He's overstimulated
3. He's around a lot of people or ones he's not very familiar with
4. Others around him are anxious or emotional
5. He's tired (which makes him more sensitive to 1-4)
When we're not at home, I tend to "baby him" more. I diffuse situations whenever possible, sometimes at the expense of forcing obedience. Why? Because it's what works. If I'm stricter with him, he bucks back. Sometimes, that's what has to happen because he HAS to obey. Like if we need to leave somewhere and he doesn't want to go. I will diffuse and coax to a certain point, but then there is no arguing. I will be as firm as I need to be. It's hard even in those situations to keep your cool, outwardly at least. But the more worked up I am in dealing with him, the more anxious he gets. And the more he resists. And the bigger tantrum he throws. And the less chance I have of getting him to cooperate. Even if I'm forcefully holding him in the carseat to get him buckled in, with him screaming and hitting and scratching, I have to CALMLY tell him it's time to leave, and buckle him in without yelling and being more forceful than necessary.
Other people see the way I deal with him when we're not at home and assume that's how I always "discipline." This is so not the case! I do try to diffuse at home. But I insist on more straight obedience here. When we're out and about, I take into consideration that he's likely overstimulated, and am not as firm with him. Because I know in that state of mind, I will get more cooperation being as gentle as possible. And yep, I even compromise or give in more when we're not home. Why? Same reason - I will get more cooperation in the long run.
Do I think diffusing more, compromising more, or outright giving in more undermines what I do at home? Undermines his respect for me as the parent? Undermines his respect for authority? Makes him think he can behave worse in public and get away with it? I think not! If you had your child at a grocery store and s/he started running a fever and got whiny, would you be more tolerant as you rushed to the checkout than you would be with a healthy child? Or would you say that the reason doesn't matter and discipline the child for their behavior?
It's the same with something wrong mentally. You have to make allowances for when that "symptom" appears.
Yeah... Sometimes he's acting up just because he's a kid. But if I even suspect one of the four conditions are in effect, I WILL adjust my parenting/discipline style accordingly.
And please, please, PLEASE! Think twice before you judge the way others parent. You don't know what may be going on with that child physically, emotionally, or mentally that's influencing their behavior or their parent's reaction. ALWAYS err on the side of grace!!!
Some basic facts about Ethan:
1. He has anxiety issues
2. He is easily overstimulated
3. His anxiety is worse when he's around more than a few people or around people he's not very familiar with
4. He feeds off the emotions of others
Which all combines to make parenting outside of our home a challenge...
It's not that I parent 100% differently at home versus not at home. There are certain basics that stand regardless of place or circumstances. For example, hitting is absolutely not acceptable! With that said, the way I handle behavior issues is not always the same.
Away from home, I've noticed that Ethan usually acts up when:
1. He's anxious
2. He's overstimulated
3. He's around a lot of people or ones he's not very familiar with
4. Others around him are anxious or emotional
5. He's tired (which makes him more sensitive to 1-4)
When we're not at home, I tend to "baby him" more. I diffuse situations whenever possible, sometimes at the expense of forcing obedience. Why? Because it's what works. If I'm stricter with him, he bucks back. Sometimes, that's what has to happen because he HAS to obey. Like if we need to leave somewhere and he doesn't want to go. I will diffuse and coax to a certain point, but then there is no arguing. I will be as firm as I need to be. It's hard even in those situations to keep your cool, outwardly at least. But the more worked up I am in dealing with him, the more anxious he gets. And the more he resists. And the bigger tantrum he throws. And the less chance I have of getting him to cooperate. Even if I'm forcefully holding him in the carseat to get him buckled in, with him screaming and hitting and scratching, I have to CALMLY tell him it's time to leave, and buckle him in without yelling and being more forceful than necessary.
Other people see the way I deal with him when we're not at home and assume that's how I always "discipline." This is so not the case! I do try to diffuse at home. But I insist on more straight obedience here. When we're out and about, I take into consideration that he's likely overstimulated, and am not as firm with him. Because I know in that state of mind, I will get more cooperation being as gentle as possible. And yep, I even compromise or give in more when we're not home. Why? Same reason - I will get more cooperation in the long run.
Do I think diffusing more, compromising more, or outright giving in more undermines what I do at home? Undermines his respect for me as the parent? Undermines his respect for authority? Makes him think he can behave worse in public and get away with it? I think not! If you had your child at a grocery store and s/he started running a fever and got whiny, would you be more tolerant as you rushed to the checkout than you would be with a healthy child? Or would you say that the reason doesn't matter and discipline the child for their behavior?
It's the same with something wrong mentally. You have to make allowances for when that "symptom" appears.
Yeah... Sometimes he's acting up just because he's a kid. But if I even suspect one of the four conditions are in effect, I WILL adjust my parenting/discipline style accordingly.
And please, please, PLEASE! Think twice before you judge the way others parent. You don't know what may be going on with that child physically, emotionally, or mentally that's influencing their behavior or their parent's reaction. ALWAYS err on the side of grace!!!
Saturday, February 26, 2011
Carving Out Bible Time
It's such a challenge! I get up with the boys. Gabriel usually catnaps, or he naps on me. Ethan rarely naps, and when he does, he's awake till midnight. I go to sleep with the boys. It's so hard to find quiet time to read my bible! It's not that I feel like I HAVE to. I WANT to! Why wouldn't I want to read my savior's love letter to me?!
So I made a decision this week. Quiet time just ain't happening! But if I can just read the bible - Not study. Not dwell on it. Just READ - at least it will be something!
Jesse bought me a nook in January as a late Christmas/early birthday/just because gift. It's so convenient for me to be able to have so many books at my fingertips! I can read it while the boys are playing (they're much less fussy if I'm in the room). I can read it while Gabriel is laying in my lap with a bottle or sleeping. I can read it in bed (with the reading light). The first thing I put on there when I got it was a bible.
Since then, I've stopped and started. Reading here and there. I wasn't happy with what I was doing but I didn't have a plan to follow. And I just felt like it wasn't working for me.
This week I bought a daily bible for my nook (a bible that has a plan to read it through in 365 days). It includes 52 devotional articles by Charles Stanley - one for each week of the year. The bible is in its usual format, but there is a list at the beginning with where the readings are for that day - one from the OT, one from Psalms, one from Proverbs, and one from the NT. And better yet, the readings work like a webpage. Each are links that I can click on. When I finished the OT reading for the first day (in Gen), there was a link at the end of the reading that brought me to the day's reading in Psalms. And so on. It's working out great! After I finish the day's reading, I go to the beginning of the next day's and bookmark it so it's ready for the next day. Then the next day I just pull up the bible and go to the bookmark for my first reading, then follow the links from there.
I sit in the recliner in the living room and read out loud. The boys play. Interrupt me. And even occasionally listen ;) If I'm reading out loud, I'm paying more attention to what I'm reading. And if the boys catch a bit here and there, all the better!
So it's not a traditional quiet time of reading and reflection. But I am getting the Word into my heart and my mind. And I'm looking forward to reading through the whole bible! I've read most of the OT and all of the NT, but never the whole thing. I timed it today and it took me less than 15 minutes to read the day's selections out loud. If I need to, I can break it up and bookmark where I am and pick it back up later in the day.
I'm actually excited that I have a method that looks like it will work for me and my needs :D
So I made a decision this week. Quiet time just ain't happening! But if I can just read the bible - Not study. Not dwell on it. Just READ - at least it will be something!
Jesse bought me a nook in January as a late Christmas/early birthday/just because gift. It's so convenient for me to be able to have so many books at my fingertips! I can read it while the boys are playing (they're much less fussy if I'm in the room). I can read it while Gabriel is laying in my lap with a bottle or sleeping. I can read it in bed (with the reading light). The first thing I put on there when I got it was a bible.
Since then, I've stopped and started. Reading here and there. I wasn't happy with what I was doing but I didn't have a plan to follow. And I just felt like it wasn't working for me.
This week I bought a daily bible for my nook (a bible that has a plan to read it through in 365 days). It includes 52 devotional articles by Charles Stanley - one for each week of the year. The bible is in its usual format, but there is a list at the beginning with where the readings are for that day - one from the OT, one from Psalms, one from Proverbs, and one from the NT. And better yet, the readings work like a webpage. Each are links that I can click on. When I finished the OT reading for the first day (in Gen), there was a link at the end of the reading that brought me to the day's reading in Psalms. And so on. It's working out great! After I finish the day's reading, I go to the beginning of the next day's and bookmark it so it's ready for the next day. Then the next day I just pull up the bible and go to the bookmark for my first reading, then follow the links from there.
I sit in the recliner in the living room and read out loud. The boys play. Interrupt me. And even occasionally listen ;) If I'm reading out loud, I'm paying more attention to what I'm reading. And if the boys catch a bit here and there, all the better!
So it's not a traditional quiet time of reading and reflection. But I am getting the Word into my heart and my mind. And I'm looking forward to reading through the whole bible! I've read most of the OT and all of the NT, but never the whole thing. I timed it today and it took me less than 15 minutes to read the day's selections out loud. If I need to, I can break it up and bookmark where I am and pick it back up later in the day.
I'm actually excited that I have a method that looks like it will work for me and my needs :D
Ugh...
So many posts I want to write, but no computer time to do them! Trying to not get frustrated...
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